COMMENT ENERVER UN SOCIALISTE DE GAUCHE (THEATRE)

dimanche 20 mai 2007
par  Jacques-Robert Simon
popularité : 2%

Jacques Attali négocie en ce moment même une mission avec le nouveau présiedent de la république, avec de bonnes chances d’aboutir, dit-il. Nous avons retrouvé dans les tiroirs du Cactus cette saynette, authentique, et mise en forme théâtrale par Jacques-Robert Simon (ndlr)

Il s’agit de la première comédie en un acte écrite grâce à Internet. L’action se situe en Août 2005. Les deux protagonistes sont Jacques Attali, chroniqueur à l’Express et Jacques-Robert Simon, attaché (profondément) au journal la « Banquise ». Les dialogues sont absolument authentiques, seuls les titres des scènes ont été ajoutés au cours de l’écriture finale. Les éventuelles fautes d’orthographe ont été conservées pour garder son authenticité populaire à cette œuvre. Dans la chambre de son fils, J.-R. Simon consulte son courrier électronique où il reçoit gratuitement l’hebdomadaire l’Express. Il lit un article intitulé « La Non-Gauche » écrit par M. Attali. La pièce commence.

Scène 1 : La provocation

J.-R. S. envoie le message suivant :

Il devient de plus en plus facile de vous portez la contradiction, vos propres écrits par leur pauvreté d’arguments sont nos meilleurs alliés. Merci donc de votre indigence,

Scène 2 : La réponse cinglante

J.A. répond :

"Être pris pour un sot par un crétin est un plaisir de fin gourmet" (Talleyrand)

Scène 3 : L’incompréhension

J.-R. S. précise :

Cher M. ATTALI, A la suite de votre article dans le journal "L’EXPRESS", je me suis permis de faire un commentaire à propos de votre article "La Non-Gauche" où vous écriviez en particulier : "Ensuite, il ne faut pas laisser dire que la gauche du non est la gauche de la gauche. Elle est même, pour moi, la non-gauche. Faut-il rappeler que le non ne l’a emporté dans le pays que grâce aux voix de l’extrême droite ? "

J.-R. S. donne même des éléments à J.A. pour l’aider :

Vous trouverez ci-dessous quelques précisions. De fait, Courteline, Georges (1858-1929), a bien écrit : « Passer pour un idiot aux yeux d’un imbécile est une volupté de fin gourmet ». Charles-Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord (1789-1815), lui, a écrit : « Il y a trois sortes de savoir, le savoir proprement dit, le savoir-faire et le savoir-vivre ; les deux derniers dispensent assez bien du premier » . Assez miraculeusement, vous vous dispensez des trois à la fois.

Scène 4 : Epilogue

J.A. répond :

Merci de cette précision, qui ne me renseigne toujours pas sur la soit disant pauvreté de mes arguments. Je vous serez reconnaissant d’oublier mon adresse et d’envoyer vos insultes ailleurs.

Toute reproduction à des fins commerciales de cette pièce est formellement interdite. Ni le CNIL ni M. Attali n’ont été contactés. Ce dernier m’a demandé d’oublier son adresse électronique, ce que j’ai fait.


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