C’EST SCIENTIFIQUE !

vendredi 22 juin 2007
par  Professeur Zigounoff (alias Georges Michel)
popularité : 2%

Je vous propose - entre scolie et notule - une modeste recension sur l’art d’accommoder les restes inspirée à l’origine par un fort bel édito du NewScientist du 5 novembre 2005 que je gardais sous mon elbow pour une occasion propice. (À l’époque t’avais encore que Goscinny, Sempé et le petit Nicolas tout seuls, rien au centre, pas de ensemble on va tout se permettre). Et de Château-Fabien à Solférino-PS il y en avait bien sûr qui disaient que ça allait nous faire du mal que si on aurait su on l’aurait noyé à la naissance, et d’autres d’avis qu’il n’y avait pas lieu de paniquer : ..."Un équipage cavalier/Fait les trois quarts de sa vaillance". Paniquer, t’as pas vu les pourcentages ? Pas niqué ? Et en plus ça rendrait sourd ?

Sur les rapports chelous entre le Pr Zigounoff et Jean de La (moins grandioses que la rencontre fortuite d’un parapluie et d’une machine à coudre sur une table de dissection, peu à dire, c’est selon ; peut-être le vicomte ne les eût-ils pas reniés). Mais plus difficile de les ignorer simplement comme acte manqué que le monde entier nous envie : ..."Je ne suis pas de ceux qui disent : Ce n’est rien/C’est une femme qui se noie" comme d’autres diraient ... "C’est proprement le mal François".

L’éditorialiste du NewScientist disais-je, s’inquiétait de la science de bas étage. Paraît qu’un immunologiste et prof de biologie associé du MIT (de ch’val) - pas moins - avait été viré pour avoir publié des résultats expérimentaux bricolés de toutes pièces. Et que ce n’était pas tout..."Me voilà saisi derechef/D’étonnement et d’épouvante", there was more where these came from : il semble bien que les résultats créatifs sur demande qui montrent toujours ce qu’on a décidé qu’ils doivent montrer (ou que Neuilly-Banlieue Télévision et les instituts de sondage ont décidé pour toi) c’est comme que de piquer dans la caisse : une fois commencé difficile de s’arrêter.

Considérable émoi dans Landernau et Massachusetts réunis, objectivité oblige on t’explique que c’est pas tellement courant qu’un niolgui du haut de la pyramide se fasse cartonner ainsi par ses pairs, et que faudra regarder de près tout ce qu’il avait publié ou signé tout seul ou avec d’autres et combien de fois, bref un vrai carême, avec plein de mauvais signaux envoyés à des moins que lui et comment faire pour arrêter ça et que jamais plus, bref au paragraphe suivant t’es pratiquement arrivé au ventre fécond de la bête immonde qu’elle va encore faire des p’tits et tout. Et c’est pourtant là que j’ai décroché.

On s’était enfoncé jusqu’au genou dans les certitudes inébranlables et les convictions inoxydables de justes qui ne doutent jamais. Mais enfin depuis qu’on a bien été forcé d’admettre avec Oscar qu’en certaines circonstances la vie se contente d’imiter l’art, faut reconnaître que la politique a rarement pris un train de retard sur la science bidon. Et le professeur Zigounoff de remarquer après quelques autres (en agitant un drapeau rouge, noir, un peu moisi) le nombre inquiétant de ces Votez-pour-moi-et-vous-verrez : hélas... "Notre troupe sans eux ne serait pas complète" ; ils n’ont pas la moindre intention d’influer l’ordre des choses mais bien seulement de bien se servir. Ce prof déprofé, te fais pas trop de mouron pour lui : il va fonder une secte évangélique ou chercher des armes de destruction massives pour la CIA, sûr d’avoir enfin la gâche d’avenir vu que s’il ne trouve rien il pourra toujours inventer, il a déjà l’habitude. Et pour la vera scienza, ne perd pas le sommeil non plus : on rectifie les anomalies et on dit plus jamais pour prouver qu’on est les plus forts et pasque c’est vraiment trop chiant de passer en revue toutes les publications d’un fraudeur, pour in fine tout passer à la moulinette (de ch’val).

Les politiques ne se remettent pas davantage en question que leurs censeurs. Ne pas oublier la compétence incomparable que confère le simple fait d’être candidat à être candidat à c’que tu voudras dans le fond de commerce de ton choix, sous-verge, cireur de pompe, porte-parole, retour en probité candide instantané, à toi le lin blanc, tu deviens expert en quèque chose, surtout dans les domaines comme la prédisposition génétique où t’as un max de chances de dire des drôleries rigolisables.

Les politiques tu les vires pas : y vont faire prof au Canada et pis quand ils sont gavés de gelée de canneberge ils te r’viennent et font maire, ministre ou député, chez eux dans la montagne ou dans une des rares régions de France où on ne risque pas vraiment de mourir de soif, c’est ça la beauté de la politique : rien ne se perd, rien ne se crée, tout se transforme. C’est pas avec les majorité et pouvoir absolus qu’ça va changer.

Cette fois-ci encore je me suis contenté de transcrire sans rien trop y changer les propos du Pr Zigounoff - un dangereux anarchiste - et pour les citations, tu trouves tout ça chez Jean de La* mais personne i sait pu lire ; enfin c’est selon : de substitutions en transpositions on déchiffre, camarades, on déchiffre. Ergo, gaudeamus et déchiffrons de concert, il en restera bien quelque chose.

*Mon recueil des Fab’es de La Fontaine est un facsimilé moderne d’une édition Tallandier avec 310 compositions dont 85 en couleurs (sic) de Benjamin Rabier Le Rat et l’Éléphant Livre Huitième, fable 192 ; La femme noyée Livre troisième, fable 66 ; L’Âne vêtu de la peau du Lion Livre cinquième, fable 116 ; Le Dragon à plusieurs têtes et le Dragon à plusieurs queues Livre premier, fable 12.


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